There is a constant coming and going in the pedo self-help community. So many pseudonyms/usernames. Who is behind X, who is behind Y? And why hasn't Z logged in since the last enthusiastic post? Are they doing well?
Most people don't stay long, but even for long-time users that is rarely different.
Zaal? Squirrel? TheComedianDreamer? Lucas? 1ez2h8? frozenstar? ...
This aspect of anonymity has made me anxious for a long time: that nobody would actually notice if someone else left us tomorrow. It's indistinguishable whether someone just stops logging in because he/she has lost interest, because of illness or taking a break and will log in again in a few months — or if he/she is no longer alive.
Fortunately, that wasn't the case with Nitro. He had connections and friends who knew about his online existence and supported it. But more importantly, they supported him during his remaining days — and announced his passing in the forum Virtuous Pedophiles on Monday, April 21st, 2025. He had registered with VirPed in 2015 and was later active as a moderator for many years until recently. Friendships developed, he met some people and became an important figure in the self-help community for many. An anchor and an inspiration. Many VirPed users expressed great appreciation and praised him for support and friendship when he opened his “On Dying” thread in early February. Several described a man who had become like a grandfather to them. In that thread, he wrote that he had been diagnosed with cancer at an advanced stage and that his doctors were talking “about life expectancy in terms of months” only.
Well, about 3 months it were in the end. 😔
It's clear that he was an important member of the team and a friend and “forum grandpa” to many. Unfortunately, I didn't know him well and that's why I'm at a loss for words. So I will leave those words to Charlie, who I asked for permission to use a few lines from his Nitro-memorial-thread on VirPed here:
Nitro, a kind and caring soul with a heart for everyone. From a community perspective, he always wanted to be there for everyone, no one was left out in the dark as long as Nitro was around. Omnipresent has been used a lot in these past few days and it's a fitting word. With his 18000 posts and 10 years here at VirPed, plus many more years in other communities, he has been a cornerstone. A name known by all and loved by many.
In his last few days, I gathered texts from people that were close to him, and was lucky enough to know that he got to receive and read most of these texts. He thanked us for them. [Let us commemorate] our dear and beloved friend, Nitro.
Thank you for your love and energy and commitment. Rest in peace Nitro.
A last personal interview with Nitro from April 15, 2025 at The P-Word: “Nitro's Final Thoughts”
Charlie's collection of messages by friends in a commemorative article, also at The P-Word: “Nitro: a Community says Goodbye”