New at M2C: my old texts

I have started re-commenting the old texts from my early days at Fate and Challenge and posting them here. They can be found under Texts in the new subcategory My old texts, which appears there in the menu and in the listing. Little by little, when I don't have much else to do, I will go through them and revise the introductions/comments so that they make sense of the texts from today's perspective. Because, admittedly, some of them really haven't aged well. It's not that I have fundamentally changed, but my focus and the way I'm expressing myself have changed drastically. Around 2010, my focus was very much on how I could “control impulses,” and it blew my mind that I was able to interact with children normally at all. Today, you see the same condition in some other people with pedophilia, so they are certainly still valuable. But I no longer think that writing about “impulses”, “urges” and “suppression” is the most sensible approach. Like, what kind of image does that convey to a society that is already calling for more and more extreme forms of “control”?

And I no longer think that my feelings at the time were a normal state of mind, but rather a result of stigmatization and an excessive focus on every little emotion—which can distort one's own feelings. I don't want to deny the perception of someone who experiences their sexuality as very compulsive, but to encourage them to see if this compulsiveness changes when they let go of their fears. If, miraculously, the compulsiveness changes with growing acceptance, then perhaps they have already gained a great deal.

At the same time, self-reflection is necessary, which I also discuss there: If you don't know what you feel and do and why, you cannot reliably control your behavior, let alone act responsibly.

Originally the texts are in German, some will over time be translated to English. Right now only one, about a blissful moment of picking up a girl for the first time at all, is already translated.